You have a problem with the bunny?
IT'S NOT EASY TO STOP, BUT IT'S POSSIBLE. The porn industry is here to stay for the long haul. Even if censorship laws are passed, there will still be an underground. People will somehow get their porn. The best thing you can do for yourself if you struggle with porn is to get as far, far away from it as possible.
There are a multitude of tools that can help you get over your porn issues. Watching a copy of Beating the Bunny will help you approach the porn issue with courage. A ministry cleverly called XXXChurch is an excellent resource for self-help and community. There are a multitude of other resources that motivate you to stay away from porn. Internet porn blockers can help, but we found the best results come from disciplining yourself to stay as far away from the fake naked bodies as possible.
Here are a few tips for the journey:
- Upset your masturbation habits. When you look at porn on a regular basis, masturbation is something that tends to fuel the problem. Try holding off on masturbating for a week. Yeah, it's not easy, but it may wreck your porn viewing rythym.
- When you get the urge to look at porn, distract yourself with something you enjoy. Here's a free distraction we developed.
- Get off the computer. Go outside. Spend some time in quiet meditation away from everything.
- Focus on more important things. Not everyone looks at porn because they are horny. Often, people will feel they are lacking something deep within, and ultimately they choose to fill that hole by seeking sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, it causes more harm than good, but thankfully, there are more important things in life than sex. If you're in your teens, focus on your education--invest in your future--volunteer--develop some mad skills. If you're older, start a business--volunteer--or as always, develop some mad skills. Build some confidence in what you do. Once you start focusing on other things, your reliance on sexual gratification for fulfillment may just slip away.
- Pray for help. God wants to help you get over a porn issue, believe it or not. You might be feeling stranded and lonely, guilty because you feel there is no way out. But God encourages you to stand persistent and strong in him. You are never truly alone if you invite Jesus into your heart to take control of the situation.
TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT. This will solve about half the problem in itself. Most people don't want to talk about it because they feel like they'll be rejected socially if they do. The thing to remember is that most people secretly look at porn, lust, and/or masturbate! Even Christians. Correction ...especially Christians! So we need to be accountable to each other.
Be the first one to bring the subject up. Do it in a closed, safe environment with people that you trust. Once you get it out in the open, the healing process can begin. Who knows, your honesty and courage just might bring out an opportunity for someone else to talk about their porn problems too.
ABSOLUTE MUST FOR MARRIEDS. If you are married, you must tell your spouse about it for the preservation of your marriage. Sure there can be hurt or even anger, but the results will be far better if you come clean than if he/she catches you in the act. And believe us, you will be caught.
DO YOU THINK PORN IS OKAY? Consider the idea that when you look at porn, you receive sexual gratification. That's the reason you look at porn, right? It's easy and has no strings attached. When you get tired of looking at one naked body, another one is always available.
But life isn't constructed with "no strings attached." When you have sex with a person within the sanctimony of marriage, you make your sexuality exclusive to one person alone: your spouse. When you look at porn, however, you are sharing your sexuality with many people. You are allowing your mind to become sexually pleasured by people other than your spouse.
What left remains for exclusive discovery in marriage? Not very much that is exciting. Once you start comparing your spouse with the fabricated, no-baggage bodies of porn...marriage passion wanes. Thus, there is cheating and our 50% divorce rate.
Even if you aren't married yet and have chosen to "try people out" or to just "look at the good stuff," you are still pleasuring yourself with people other than your future spouse. Once you get married, you are going to have to confront this with a spouse that expects to have 100% of your sexuality.
Take or leave this quote, but this is the rule-of-thumb we personally live by:
"I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Jesus, NIV)
Jesus claims that when you look at porn, you are in fact violating your marriage bond. You make the decision to cheat on your spouse (current or future).
We can't change minds on the issue, but after considering this perspective, do you think porn is okay?
MASTURBATION. Why is masturbation so addictive? Simple. It releases chemicals called endorphins in your brain. They are released in moderate quantities when you eat and are released in huge quantities when you plateau and orgasm. It's one reason sex feels so good.
Endorphins are chemically similar to opiods like morphine, codeine, and heroin. Those drugs are clinically addictive, and so are endorphins. Given the right pattern, the release of endorphins from masturbation orgasms can also become quite addictive.
If you are looking at porn while having a masturbation orgasm, the image of that porn will be burned onto your memory. There will be an association in your brain so that every time you use EITHER porn or masturbation, you'll crave the other.
Marriage is the flip side of the coin. If you keep your sexuality exclusive for your spouse and have some rocking sex with him/her, the image of your spouse will be burned onto your brain by those lovely endorphins when you do the deed. And you'll be inescapably addicted.
So which would you rather be addicted to? Porn or your spouse?
On the flip side, we wouldn't be good postmodern thinkers without presenting a complete treatment of the subject. Masturbation is an extremely controversial issue in Christianity. There's nothing clear in the Bible about it, and there is no solid evidence that the mere physical act of masturbation (without porn or lust) disrupts marriages.
One of the best articles we've ever read by far on the controversy is here. It has a very fresh perspective and seems most accurate to both the Bible and real life.
Someone you know has a problem with the bunny?
THIS IS A 100% PROBABILITY. Unless you are a hermit who lives in the mountains of the Wyoming wilderness, you personally know someone who looks at porn and cannot stop. But are they going to tell you? Of course not! But it's likely that they're yearning for help and comfort. Search your close contacts for vibes of porn-trapped desperation.
Here's a few people to observe.
HOW TO TELL. It's not easy from just looking at a person. The best thing you can do is to start the conversation.
CONFRONT THE ISSUE. If you are close friends or family with the person, search for an appropriate time when you can talk about it. It's not easy to do. That's why we developed Beating the Bunny, to make this job easier. You can sit down with him/her, watch the movie, and then ease into a discussion about porn afterwards.
IF THEY GET MAD, THEN YOU CAN BE 100% SURE THEY DO IT. This is a defense mechanism. Don't worry. Just be patient for them to vent, and then try again.
SHARE YOUR STRUGGLE. People love other authentic people. If you can muster the courage to let out your own problems, the other person is far more likely to open up.
GET READY TO LISTEN. When they're ready to open up, let them vent. Don't spoil it by your hasty advice. If they ask questions, yes, provide answers in your greatest capactity, but let them lead the discussion.
PRAY FOR THEM. God wants to heal them, too. Show God that you support and love them by your actions and your prayers.